Relationships are evolving every day. While it was probably easy earlier, today the online dating scene has changed the way we look at them, and most often than not, there comes a moment when you need to define it.
“So what are we?” is a question that has sent shivers down countless daters` spine. Defining the relationship is a pivotal moment in dating and carries even more importance in online dating.
According to the Indian dating app QuackQuack`s survey, it is the most panic-inducing and overdue moment for daters, but still, something makes people take the plunge. According to the 10,536 people who participated in the survey, while the timing of “the talk” varies, the reasoning is never random.
The app selected participants from Tier-1, 2, and 3 cities, ranging between 25 and 35 for an all-round understanding; respondents were also deliberately picked from various professional fields like the IT sector, administration, healthcare and medicine, marketing and sales, finance, social media content creation and more to understand the impact of professional life on the decision-making process.
The app`s founder and CEO, Ravi Mittal, says, “Defining the relationship in today`s dating scenario is not about putting a label on it and calling the person `yours.` Today, it`s more about clarity and being on the same page. Daters don`t want to keep someone on the hook; they understand the toxicity of the trend, and that`s where the importance of Defining The Relationship peaks. We see that defining the connection at the right time can help avoid so many unnecessary heartbreaks.”
A big change
Sometimes, a big change, like moving to a different city, starting a new job, or even a marriage or big event at home, can trigger something in people that makes them reflect on their relationship. 27 per cent of daters from Tier 1 and 2 cities admitted that a significant life change prompted them to think, “What do I want from this relationship?” Surbhi (29) from Delhi said, “When you are about to start a new chapter in life, you suddenly start thinking whether or not you want to take this person into that chapter. For me, it was moving to a different country for higher studies. I finally took the next step and decided this relationship means too much to me to leave undefined.”
Healthy emotional check-in
One of the less dramatic reasons, around 19 per cent of female daters between 25 and 30 said they initiate the DTR or ‘define the relationship’ talks because they are emotionally invested in a relationship for a significant period of time, and it feels like the appropriate next step. It`s a form of mental check-in to ensure everything is on the right track and they are not wasting their time on a connection that will eventually turn out to be a whole lot of nothing.
The twinge jealousy
While jealousy is rarely the right reason to make big decisions, it can be an eye-opener, says 3 in 5 men from metros and suburbs. About 22 per cent of men using the app said nothing makes a man put a virtual ring on the relationship faster than seeing someone else trying to slide their way into their match`s life. The same goes for seeing close friends settling down. And, 14 per cent of these men also admitted that watching their connection, even merely cosying up to someone else, has been the biggest motivator for their DTR moment. Ankush, an assistant professor from Mumbai, said, “For me, that twinge of jealousy was a wake-up call. I realised if I am getting jealous over silly things, I must truly have feelings for her. And if I care this much, I should figure out where we stand before I lose her.”
Clarity after chaos
Not all DTR moments come peacefully; there are times when clarity comes after a moment of chaos. 14 per cent of the participants shared having the conversation after some kind of emotional turmoil in the relationship — 2 in 5 people said it was after they realised one of them was not exclusive, while 3 in 6 daters revealed it was after they understood they have more feelings for their match than they cared to admit. The insight from the survey shows most online daters believe defining a relationship should be taken seriously, even if it`s a little late, and for more than 35 per cent of them, it helped them either move forward with the relationship or move on from it.
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