OMG – our talk is shrinking. Psychologists at UMKC found most of us speak less than the year before, dropping some 338 words per day, measured over a 20-year study. Give or take, that’s 120K fewer spoken words per person.
Humans being humans, OC, we’re still communicating. Just in different ways. Where Romeo and Juliet once uttered pledges on the QT, serenading in shadows, the modern Romeo is as likely to slide into Juliet’s DMs to declare his Capulet bae is no FWB, but his BFF.
OK, let’s pull it up. Your patience has been pushed far enough. Nine abbreviations across 90 words: another symptom of written chat usurping oral. Some you knew, like OMG or 120K. Younger readers will know most, from OC (of course) to FWB (friends with benefits), although ISTG (I swear to God) the Boomer browser has quit this column in a huff or spent five minutes googling.
On the surface, the study from the Universities of Missouri-Kansas City (or UMKC – the far kinder way to introduce initialisms) imperils traditional chitchat, let alone discourse. Yet spare a thought for those outside the textonym tent, partway excluded by the Millennial shorthand, assuming they wish to join the silent conversation.
Back in the ’70s, when I was a rad grommet wagging school, we used that kind of slang to keep our oldies guessing. Though lately the teen ploy is alphabet soup, from WTV (whatever) to WYD (what you doing?). Both initialisms rate highly in the 30 look-ups among Australians eager to decipher the contraction contagion.
Randoh Sallihall, a language lover at Unscramblerer.com, a lexical site for puzzle fans, led the data sweep. His team sifted all the textonym queries we made from New Year’s Day until mid-April this year. High in the charts were SYBA (shut your b***h ass up) and SMH, not a newspaper but shake my head.
“The most popular acronyms,” said Randoh, “were either trends for this year or a few years older. Trends become viral on social media, driving people to use the acronyms with friends in chat or texting them.” Notice that? Being made for text, the new slang goes unsaid.
Even chat could mean groupchat via WhatsApp or Facebook Messenger, or even F2F (face to face) if that’s still a thing. As a man of a certain age, I don’t speak text-ese. Rather it’s a dialect I’m learning to master – or just understand. When Melbourne band Kingswood released their single ICFTYDLM in 2014, I’d presumed it was a Scrabble rack with a bonus tile. Truth being, a tween’s DW (don’t worry) could well indicate my death warrant or Doctor Who. Nor am I alone in my broken fluency, judging by our search history.
This prompts a FAQ: has this need for speed forfeited the advantage of lucid communication? The fact that millions of us are snooping OTP (one true pairing) on the DL suggests one person’s breezy Insta post demands another person’s homework. Or maybe that’s the point. If you don’t know NGL (not gonna lie), you may as well lie down with a book. Or head PDQ to the U3A in the CBD to seek the last few conversationalists left.
davidastle.com, twitter.com/dontattempt
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